1. “This is going to be awesome.” His gut reaction is likely going to be something along these lines. He likes watching P@.rn, and he likes you, why wouldn’t this be hot?
2. “OK, let me pull up some P@.rn.” Wait. Now he needs to pump the breaks. If you’re not a P@.rn-pro, he can’t just start opening up his bookmarks, and queuing up tabs left and right. So he needs to play it carefully.
3. “Wait…. Let me drag this out.” His best bet is to go to a P@.rn aggregator and start clicking around with you, just in case you’re feeling overwhelmed. If you’re not, great. You two can get all horned up together, jacking into the dark net with your VR headsets or whatever it is millennials do with P@.rn. But playing it safe and choosing together is the more tactful approach.
4. “Oh, God. Now I need to talk about what kind of P@.rn I like.” Depending on how you both feel about P@.rn, this is where the reality of the idea might start setting in for him. Just like how you wouldn’t start someone new to Game of Thrones in the middle of season 5 — they’d be overwhelmed — he also wouldn’t want to start a novice P@.rn-watcher with whatever his particular vices are.
And even if you’re an experienced P@.rn-watcher yourself, he’s got to come to terms with the fact that another person is now judging his personal preference of erotica and maybe he just doesn’t feel like explaining why foot fetishes are so hot, okay?
5. “Should I pick something that features P@.rn stars who look just like my partner or that look totally different?” Which is weirder?
This is some Trolley Problem level-dilemma right here. Will you be freaked out that he looks for your P@.rn doppleganger, or offended that his tastes when it comes to P@.rn are drastically different than what you actually look like? Or is this something only crazy people think about? Is it getting hot in here?
6. “Ok, what’s the simplest looking P@.rn on here?” He’s going to click a thumbnail or two and hope it’s serviceable. Ideally, he’ll just scroll around until you shout, “Oh, click that one.” But if you’re not giving him feedback, he’s going to need to commit on his own.
7. “Maybe this time I won’t skip the story.” There are three kinds of people when it comes to P@.rn. There are those who skip right to the F**.Cking. There are those who like the slow burn and will sit through the 10 minutes of exposition. And then there are people who try and get just enough of the story so they have the context of what they’re masturbating to.
He doesn’t know what kind of person you are yet, so maybe he’ll let you see how this whole thing with the nurse and patient works out.
8. “Is she judging me on everything that happens in this P@.rn now?” The trouble with P@.rn is that it’s a bit of a Russian Roulette situation.
You can click on something that looks relatively vanilla with a pretty innocuous description, and all the sudden people start peeing on each other and fisting every hole in sight. And if you’re the designated P@.rn sherpa of this journey, that all falls back on you.
9. “Should I start masturbating?” Again, when it’s your first time doing this together, there aren’t a lot of set rules. Should you be spooning like you’re casually watching Netflix? Should he start masturbating like you’re not even there? There are no rules.
10. “LETS JUST HAVE SEX NOW.” This is getting too complicated.
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